Breathe
by IchigoMelon
Summary: PruCan, AU. Gilbert is a war veteran, haunted by memories of the past. Matthew is a shattered boy who's given up hope. Together, they may be able to find the path they've strayed from.


_I first met Matthew after talking with the therapist for the fourth week.  
_

* * *

"Gilbert?" Dr. Väinämöinen began, looking over the frame of his glasses with concern. He closed the door behind him, the hinges making a bit of a creak as he did. "Tell me, Gilbert, how are you feeling today?"

Gilbert Beilschmidt sat motionless on the couch in the room, leaning back with his arms crossed, scarlet eyes analyzing every aspect of the room. He examined the walls, a soft shade of green, clearly old, as some places seemed to be chipped, and a bit scraped. He examined the desk in the corner, the polished wood finish shining a bit in the light. Eyes fell over to the window, the dark frame making it appear to be a film, a movie caught in action. His vision then did flicker to the carpet below his feet, also old, a sort of moss color, like the walls. The curtains hung loosely around the edges of the window.

"Gilbert?"

"I'm about as fine as I was last week," the albino snapped back, shifting his crimson orbs to the doctor, his arms still crossed, his lips now pursed, annoyed.

The doctor sighed a bit, but didn't seem to be affected by his rude behavior. It was as if he were used to such remarks, as if they were a routine of sorts. He sat down in the chair across from where the couch sat, across from him. Dr. Väinämöinen folded his hands in his lap, and smiled lightly at him.

"Well, have the nightmares grown any worse? Any pain in the body, physically and or mentally?" the Finnish man said patiently, knowing it would take a bit of time to fiddle the answer out of him. He was always stubborn when it came to giving information, as it was not his choice to see a therapist.

Gilbert Beilschmidt was a war veteran, haunted by memories of the past and constantly trapped in a never-ending cycle of the sounds and smells of such. His brother grew worried for his mental stability, and ever since Gilbert has been seeing him, though begrudgingly. The man always insisted that the trips brought him more pain than good, but alas, he was forced to go anyway.

"Nope, they're about the same. All filled with the grueling agony of passed events," Gilbert said, lacing his fingers together instead, setting them in his lap like the doctor. "As for injury, not really. Except sometimes I get headaches randomly throughout the day. They usually only last from half an hour to an hour, though."

The information had come without incident, thankfully, for once, and Dr. Väinämöinen wrote it down on a notepad conveniently placed in his coat pocket. He nodded slowly, and clicked the pen.

"Gilbert I want to try something with you. I think you're lonely, in a sense. I think that's what's causing part of your problems. You're lonely, and there isn't really anything to distract you from your thoughts, which leads to your dreams, or in your case, nightmares. I think you need a companion," he explained slowly, watching how the veteran's eyes seemed to narrow.

Gilbert's arms returned to a crossed position. "Are you saying I need to hook up with some girl?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying you need someone to talk to. Someone who has problems themselves, so they can understand," Dr. Väinämöinen said, before rising from his seat. "There's someone I want you to meet."

Tentatively, the Finnish doctor walked over to the door, resting his hand on the shiny brass knob for but a moment, before turning it. He poked his head out, and said a few words, before indicating for whomever was standing out there to come inside.

Gilbert watched as the person entered alongside the doctor.

It was a boy, or at least it appeared to be, a bit feminine in stature, but still clearly had the shape of a male. His hair was middle length, and honey blond, wavy with an odd curl sticking out to the side. His face was a bit pale, though not as pale as he, and he looked nervous, if not a bit sick. His eyes were unusual, glowing a bright shade of violet, but yet they seemed dull, sad even. His lips were a pinkish red, but they seemed chapped, as if he bit them a lot, or at least the lower one.

His attire was simple. He wore a pair of dark, navy blue jeans that draped over his red high tops, tied loosely, and Gilbert wondered for a brief moment how he had not tripped. He wore what seemed to be a checkered shirt, grayish, with a white undershirt, all almost hidden by a red jacket too long for his fingers to show. It hung loosely on his shoulders, and it was unzipped, revealing the earlier stated clothing.

He looked tired, as he looked between Dr. Väinämöinen and Gilbert.

"Gilbert, meet Matthew."

* * *

_He was a mess, the poor kid. He practically looked like a ghost in a solid form. When I first saw him, the first thing I wanted to do was yell at him for looking so bad, but at the same time, I had no idea what he'd been through.  
_

* * *

Violet met scarlet in a fierce trance, mesmerized by one another. Gilbert blinked at him curiously, while Matthew stared back, almost unblinking as if he were examining him, reading his entire story in his eyes.

"Matthew, say hello to Gilbert."

The boy licked his lips a bit, and swallowed, but said nothing. He shook his head slowly, unwilling to break his silence. Dr. Väinämöinen frowned a bit at his performance, but chose not to address it.

Gilbert struggled to be the better person, and tried to muster up a smile, and waved his fingers a bit. "Hey."

The Finnish man nodded between the two of them. "Now, Gilbert, I think it would be good for both you and Matthew to talk. You know, get to know each other. I also think you should consider, after a time of course, living together. Not as a couple of course, more of roommates."

The idea seemed to strike the albino as odd, as he stared at the boy in utter shock. "Are you serious? I've just met the kid and you're thinking about making me live with him?"

"After a time, I said. I don't expect you two to move in together right away. That would be silly and untimely. Now, I have some business to attend to, so why don't you two get to know each other a bit? I'll come back in a little while."

Before either of them could protest the doctor was gone.

* * *

_At the time, he'd been kind of annoying. He never spoke. He seemed to always be thinking of something far off, and he never uttered a word to me. He was always just purely silent.  
_

* * *

"So…" Gilbert said as the boy came next to him, promptly sitting without a sound. "Guess…we should get to know each other. Name's Gilbert, though you probably figured that out."

Matthew smiled ever so softly as he brushed a bit of the hair behind his ear. He laced his fingers together, and set them in his lap, staring at him in wonder. Gilbert could practically see the gears working in his head. It was as if he were taking in every feature, piecing together a story.

Gilbert shifted a bit. "Um…I'm sure the doc told you already…I'm a war veteran."

Matthew nodded, and then turned away, as if thinking of something again. The albino studied his face for a long moment, looking over his features, and reading his face. It looked a bit pained, almost remorseful of something. He watched as he bit his lower lip, and his assumptions from earlier were true.

"Matthew?"

The boy jumped a bit, and turned back, tilting his head a bit, as if asking, _what_? Gilbert frowned, and turned away. "It's not like I like doing this anymore than you. I don't even know you. And I won't ever if you won't even talk to me."

If the veteran would've turned back he would've seen a hurt expression, and how Matthew gripped his arm in sadness.

* * *

_Over the next few weeks, Matthew and I were forced to sit in the room together. Nothing was ever said, really. Except me, of course. I spoke a bit, trying to see if I could force a word out of him. Though, I never seemed to prevail.  
_

* * *

"I grew up in Germany…though I'm Prussian, honest! I have a little brother, and he's got the cutest boyfriend in the world, I tell you…" Gilbert went on, not bothering to look at the boy as he spoke.

Gilbert had begun to just speak to him, just telling him things that were spontaneous and random. Over the weeks, he'd just thought of little things to tell him, things that made little sense, yet they all had some significance to him. It felt strangely good for him to express himself, just to get it out of his system. He felt like he'd never told anyone this before, which he hadn't.

It wasn't as if Matthew ever responded, however.

Matthew always listened, oh, he was one of the best listeners in the world. His eyes were always fixed on him when he was speaking, only straying away when he stopped, and was trying to think of another topic.

And when that happened, Gilbert would watch him, as well. He would always look for some sort of emotion that always seemed to mark his face. Sometimes it was blank, completely silent and still. Other times it was full of anguish, and he always seemed to be gripping onto something when that happened. He'd always bite onto his lower lip, and sometimes he would make the quietest of whimpers.

Yet he never dared to speak a word of what had happened to him.

But even so Gilbert couldn't help but get ideas.

* * *

_I believe it was our fifth week together, my ninth visit, when he spoke to me. It was something simple, and sweet, something that I remembered made my heart skip a beat. I don't think whatever I had felt then was love; I think it was more or less like I'd never heard something such as that before, directed at me, at any rate.  
_

* * *

The silence had dawned over them again, like a blanket smothering them in its thick fabric. They sat on either end of the couch, as far away from each other as they could be on the piece of furniture. It was one of those days where words didn't come easily to Gilbert, and he struggled for a suitable conversation.

"Ah…" he murmured, trying to think of something. "You know, the doctor is thinking about making us live together…he says it'll help us."

Matthew shifted a bit in his spot, and said nothing, seeming as if he were in his own little world again, as he always was. His face read nothing, as per usual, but at the same time he looked to be uneasy. Whether from the lack of voice or from his daydream, Gilbert wasn't sure.

"I'm not thrilled either…I mean, I got nothing against you…it's just I don't know you and all, and this speaking thing…" he began to mumble again.

"Breathe…"

Gilbert jumped a bit at the sound of the word, turning over quickly to stare back into those violet orbs, orbs filled with an indescribable emotion. "I feel like I can breathe when I'm with you."

His voice was beautiful, Gilbert realized. It was soft and quiet, kind of like a piano melody. It was also sorrowful, however, simple and elegant, flowing together.

A small smile curled onto the albino's lips, as Matthew turned away, and said no more.

* * *

_After that, Matthew began to slowly open up to me. Tiny things, tiny words. They were always short conversations, and it was soon I realized how I longed to hear his voice. It was so amazing to hear, melodic. It seemed to soothe me, so I always tried to hear it more and more, and I did. Eventually it got to the point where I wasn't just Gilbert and he wasn't just Matthew. It got to be where we were two breaths walking, together, trying to find the path we were meant to go down again.  
_

* * *

"Welcome back, Gilbert. It seems you were excited to come today, any reason?" Dr. Väinämöinen had a small grin marking his lips as he put the pen behind his ear.

Gilbert returned the smile, and shrugged a bit. "I dunno. Just felt…good today. Problem?"

"Not at all. So tell me, any recent nightmares, headaches, anything?"

The veteran thought back for a moment, and it was then that he realized, he _hadn't _been experiencing any pain at all. No headaches anymore, and the nightmares had been far less gruesome lately. He shook his head slowly.

"Not a one."

"Nothing at all?"

"Not really."

Dr. Väinämöinen smiled, and wrote it down, clearly pleased with the results. He nodded quickly, and clicked the pen again. "That's great! I told you this wouldn't be so bad."

Gilbert couldn't help but agree, but then a thought struck him, and he decided that, it was better to ask. "Hey, doc?"

"Hm?"

"What happened to Matthew?"

The Finnish man was quiet after that, silence falling over him. He stared at him curiously with his lavender eyes, though not the same as Matthew's, he realized. The doctor glanced away, and sighed.

"I figured he wouldn't tell you on his own. Matthew…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It isn't my place to say. The best I can tell you is this…there's a reason why he always wears his jacket. I can't get him to take it off. And…he doesn't speak to others, either. Though, you probably realized this."

Gilbert denied this quickly. "No, that's wrong. He spoke to me. He told me something, something about being able to breathe while I was around. And ever since then he's told me little things about himself, like his name and where's he's from."

Dr. Väinämöinen stared at him, a bit shocked. "Did he…did he really? So…he trusts you?"

A sigh. "I…guess?"

The Finn's smile returned, as he sighed a bit. "Then…I think this is good, for both of you. Listen, I think you two should move in together…I really believe that you're helping him, and it seems he's helping you. Would you consider…?"

The thought of living with Matthew a few weeks ago was a dreadful one, but now, now he didn't even hesitate.

"I don't see why not."

* * *

_We moved in together about two weeks after that. Everything was settled, and from then on, we were Gilbert and Matthew, roommates, friends, and maybe a little more. For a while we slept in separate rooms, save for that one night.  
_

* * *

Gilbert slept soundly in his room, the images of surrealism floating around his mind. Pieces of memoirs he'd never seen circulated throughout his head. It was nice to just dream without fear of waking to a nightmare, to a dark room with his past trapping him. This was nice.

His crimson eyes snapped open as he felt the bed move, a shift in the weight. He quickly sat up, rubbing the bit of sleep from his eyes as he heard sound. It sounded like sobbing, pathetic whimpers he'd never heard before.

Gilbert glanced down and saw the smaller form of Matthew, covering his ears and laying there, crying right before him.

His breathing was ragged, as he let the tears roll down his cheeks. Gilbert merely watched for a minute, trying to see if he were going to explain his actions. He did not receive an answer, or an explanation.

So the albino did the only thing a reasonable person in such a situation would do. He lay back down and pulled him close, letting the tears stain his nightshirt. He felt the blond's hands clench his shirt tight, but he just let him cry.

He wasn't honestly sure how long they lay there, together, tangled with one another, and Gilbert wasn't honestly sure he cared. He wasn't even sure if he knew what drove him to do that as he did then, to take him into his arms. It just felt right to him; it felt right in a way he didn't understand. But it felt okay to him, at the same time.

When his cries finally subsided, he pulled away, his face flushed and stained with splotches of red. Matthew wasn't a beautiful crier, but that was obvious. No one ever really was. He wiped his eyes hurriedly with his sleeves too long for his hands, and shook his head, clearly embarrassed. He glanced away.

"S-sorry…" Matthew mumbled, his soft voice barely audible, even in the quiet of the room. "I…just…"

"It's okay," Gilbert broke him off, messing up his hair even more than it already was. His hair was like his voice, soft. "Nightmare…?"

The boy nodded calmly, and then shivered a bit; staring at him with the same expression he had all those weeks ago. It was intriguing to see how they seemed to sparkle, as if asking something important.

"Do…you want to tell me about it?"

With another short nod, Gilbert's full attention was on the boy. If now was the time he was going to tell him, then he wanted to be all ears. He watched as Matthew hesitantly, tentatively, pulled off his jacket.

The albino winced as he gazed at him. He had on a simple shirt underneath, a dark blue color, but that wasn't what scared him. All along his arms were scars, on the outside and the in. Some of the scars looked deeper, while others looked older, more faded. He gave a bitter smile as Gilbert's eyes traced them all.

"Disgusting, huh? They're also on my back, and I have a few on my legs…" Matthew said coldly, though he was still smiling that bitter smile. "I had a nightmare about this…these. All of them, these marks on my flesh. About how I got them. I hate my body sometimes, because of this…"

Matthew bit his bottom lip again, as if he were nervous about telling him these things. "My…father…he was a drunkard. Mom always defended me, because I was the second son, _less important_, in comparison to my brother, if you will. It used to be Mom would take whatever beating he had in store for me, but when she died…well…there was no one to divert that attention away from me. It's why…it's why I don't talk a lot anymore. I'm scared that if I say the wrong thing then…that I'll get hurt…"

He sighed then. "The past is gone and clearly they're here now…but…my mind decided that it would show me that I'm a lesser being again tonight…"

His voice was so full of anguish that Gilbert took him into his arms again, and shook his head. "You're not a lesser being. You aren't nor have you ever been. You're…you've helped me so much. I would still be in the therapy office trying to sort out my life if it hadn't been for you…so…you're important to me, okay?"

Matthew confirmed the notion with a motion of the head, and without a word, tears once again welling up his eyes.

* * *

_Ever since that night, we shared the same bed. And if either one of us woke from a nightmare, we were ready. I loved Matthew. I knew it that night more than I ever had before. He was like my savior, my angel, my peace and comfort. He was like my everything, everything I needed. I never wanted to let him go again.  
_

* * *

Together they watched the movie in the dark, the sweet, romantic movie. It was comfortable how they sat, sharing one blanket, all close together. Matthew's head lay on Gilbert's shoulder, a small smile on both of their lips.

When the movie ended, they didn't stir. They lay there for a while longer, just safe and content in each other's presence. Gilbert felt his heart pounding a bit, and he hoped Matthew didn't hear.

"Hey…Matt?"

"Hm?"

"Do…you mind if I tell you something?"

The boy shifted, and looked at him. "Not at all. Go ahead."

Gilbert turned to him, gazing back into those violet pools. The eyes he'd, at first, hated, and then admired, and then loved. Would he be able to tell him how he felt?

"I…" he paused, his heart pounding even faster. He'd never felt this nervous before in his entire life. "Matthew I…"

"I love you."

The words came out of Matthew rather than Gilbert. Gilbert looked at him shocked, as Matthew leaned forward and closed the distance between them.

It was a small kiss, but it was simply amazing. It made the albino's heart burst with life, and happiness. As he pressed back, Matthew put his arms around his neck, and they held that position for a while still, in their own little world of amazement.

When the blond finally pulled back, he was blushing, but he didn't seem nervous, or embarrassed. The veteran smiled back, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I love you too."

* * *

_I loved Matthew and Matthew loved me. It was the most perfect combination in the entire world: A broken soldier and a shattered boy. We could make it together; all we needed was each other.  
_

* * *

Both Gilbert and Matthew sat in the therapy office this time, hand in hand, as the doctor walked in. Dr. Väinämöinen's smile seemed to brighten by their display, and nodded slowly.

"You know, Gilbert, I think…I think you're ready to leave us," he said warmly, nodding his head.

Gilbert looked surprised, and then turned to Matthew with the widest grin anyone had ever seen. "Seriously?"

"Quite. According to you, you don't have the nightmares anymore, or the physical and psychological pain. I think you're ready to face the world again, though, do come back if the problem persists again. We'll miss you, Mister Beilschmidt, but at least now, you can breathe easy."

The albino cried out with glee, and hugged the blond tight, who was also smiling for him. They held that position for a few moments, before Gilbert turned back. "Can Matthew quit coming too?"

Seeing his face, and the look in the boy's eyes, the Finn shook his head slowly. "Yes, but I want you to come straight back if anything goes wrong, alright, Mister Williams?"

And for the first time, Matthew smiled widely. "Yes sir."

* * *

_I first met Matthew after talking with the therapist for the fourth week. _

_ This was without a doubt the best decision I'd ever made in my life. To let him in and to talk to him as if he were the only person who could possibly understand. He helped me in more ways than I could probably count. Which was just fine with me, after all, who needed to count?_

_ But from there, we knew one thing. We could both do what the doctor had told us, thanks to each other, and our love. _

_ Breathe easy.  
_

* * *

**I really, really love this idea for some reason. Though, I don't think it's written as best it could be. I may go back and rewrite it someday, so kind of watch out for that in case I do~ Other than that I guess this is alright, for now at any rate, after all it didn't turn out horrible~**

If anyone's interested, I could also write a companion fic for Matthew's story : D And perhaps some sort of sequel, or maybe Gilbert's companion. Or the story through Matthew's point of view, instead. Let me know~

Please enjoy! Sprinkles, Peaches, and Cheers! 

**Read and Review~?  
**

**-IchigoMelon  
**


End file.
